MYSTERY TEAM!

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ATLANTA IS FLOODED!

Read all about it (or just look at the pictures) at MannDubinBlog's NEWEST, HOTTEST, SEXIEST, MOST OUTRAGEOUS blog to date at: http://atlantaflood.blogspot.com


WHAT ARE YOU WAITING FOR!

Alaskan Hit Man Crossing the Border! Evidence!

DO YOU SEE THIS? Click on the picture above. Now do you see, Clarice? This is irrefutable proof of several things.

• First, the intern is probably dead. We haven't exactly heard from him since right before we posted on our blog yesterday, so we're just assuming he's either scattered from Edmonton to Toronto, or he's had his body turned completely inside out. 50-50, take your pick.

• Second, the Alaskan Hit Man is crossing the border. And where is he crossing? None other than the state of Michigan. Know why that's important? Because our biggest hater claims to have graduated from the prestigious UNIVERSITY OF MICHIGAN. You remember him. He's the guy that "knows and makes the future" by trading "$4 trillion dollars worth of commodities a day." Coincidence? Did MannDubinBlog have their way with Sarah Palin last night? Well yea, we did, but NO, this isn't a coincidence.

• Third, this is a much bigger problem than we thought. If our enemies are teaming up with the Alaskan Hit Man we're definitely in trouble. As providers of truth and all that is good, we've made a lot of enemies along the way.

There's more. Since MannDubinBlog's recent acquisition of small companies in Boston, we've had some of our administrators stationed there. The rest of our team is still in Atlanta. We don't know where the Alaskan Hit Man will head next, but rest assured that we'll keep you, our billions of readers, posted about our exact whereabouts 24/7.

P.S. You think Homeland Security will catch him? I wouldn't even bet the intern's left nut on it.

Alaskan Hit Man Spotted in Canadia

Folks, we're in danger. Not you, our millions of readers, but us, MannDubinBlog.

We might not be here much longer. I know all of you have heard about the Alaskan Hit Man that's chasing us down after exposing Sarah Palin's underlying motives for her resignation, and now he's finally en route. After finding evidence online, we've just gotten word from our intern that he's been spotted by a reliable informant in Edmonton, Canadia.


Why is our intern in Canadia, you ask?

Simple: we want to make sure the intern finds the Alaskan Hit Man before the Alaskan Hit Man finds us. And by us, I mean the founders of MannDubinBlog and our other competent interns lurking in the shadows behind our work. In other words, the farther we are from the intern, the better chance we have of living to see another sunrise, another flower bloom, another tender kiss between a young couple, and, judging by what's going on outside my window, another act of fellatio in exchange for a drug of some variety.

The map clearly shows that the Alaskan Hit Man is making his way south through Canadia to come for us. We've used the latest in tracking devices to determine that it is in fact the Alaskan Hit Man. What are these devices, you ask? Top secret government type stuff, clown. Mind your own business.

Fingers crossed that the Alaskan Hit Man finds the intern first. Errr.

Strike that.

Reverse it.

It's a good thing that our going-away present to the intern was a chocolate cake with a GPS tracker in it. Rest assured he ate it right up, so we'll know the second the Alaskan Hit Man turns him into bear food. Sheeeeit that fat f**k will feed a family of bears all through the winter. They'll probably quit hibernating and just spend the winter eating. Wish us luck, it's all for you.

Sarah Palin is after us!

First, we expose the truth about Sarah Palin. Now, this guy is trying to kill us.

Ever see Conspiracy Theory?

You know, that movie where Mel Gibson is on to something shady and the government in turn is trying to kill him for it.

Well, now we're like Mel Gibson, minus the anti-semitic part. And Sarah Palin and her wacky (not to mention scary and bible beating) henchmen are the part of the government coming after us. Pretty standard stuff.

After our recent scathing report on the truth behind the Sarah Palin resignation (see below), we have begun to feel what I can only describe as "hunted." We at MannDubinBlog are confident that there is a an Alaskan Hit Man hot on our trail after we uncovered and exposed the truth about Sarah Palin and her nefarious ways.

Oh, you want evidence. I'll give you evidence. How about the fact that a recent visitor to MannDubinBlog hailed from none other than Wasilla, Alaska.

That's right, the same town of approximately 123 people in the middle of Alaska in which Palin was the mayor prior to her becoming governor. Every resident is either a member of her immediate family or a member of the family of the kid who knocked up her daughter.

Do we have reason to fear? You bet we do.

Sarah Palin: The STORY Behind the Resignation

As most of you know by now, Sarah Palin recently announced that she would resign as Governor of Alaska. Seeing as how it's Alaska and nobody gives a damn, we feel safe when we say MannDubinBlog has the facts behind this shocking story.

Beginning last week and continuing over the weekend, our team made an effort to contact Governor Palin for an interview. At first we were told she was “out of the office” and yesterday we were finally informed that Palin has been “hiking the Appalachian Trail.”

We weren’t born yesterday. Well, one of our interns was, but we pay him under the table for the inspiration he provides because our other interns are unpaid and useless. Child labor? Yea we use it (and believe me when I say it's the best business decision we've made). ANYWAY, back to the issue at hand. We’ve heard this story before. Remember the disgraced governor of South Carolina, Mark Sanford? Yea, he told our team the same thing before the story broke about his affair with his Argentine lover.

Well, folks, the AP stole our story last time, so we’re here to give you the facts first. Sarah Palin isn’t hiking the Appalachian Trail. No, she’s not hiking the Continental Divide Trail, either. She’s actually having an affair with a Bolivian man named Jorge Villasina.

Yep, this is the face of the man who spends his days making sweet, sweet love to our beloved Sarah Palin. After Gov. Sanford was caught in his scandal, Palin decided that she best get the fudge out' the scene before her story made national headlines. Sorry Sarah, but you're cover's busted. Know what else is busted? This guy you've been macking with. Sanford had much better taste.

In other news, MannDubinBlog is looking for an attorney to represent us in our future slander suit. Know a guy? Let us know. Seriously.

In other, other news, if you're Sarah Palin and thinking about suing us, please don't. We don't have any money for you to take. In fact, we're so broke we don't even have health insurance. Sarah- if you're pissed just tell Jorge to email us at Mann.Dubin@gmail.com. Kisses.

BREAKING NEWS: HACKERS STEAL YOUR PICTURE

MannDubinBlog is sad to present you with this late-breaking story. After years of being considered impossible, the ultimate in embarrassing occurrences has done just that: it has occurred.


Hackers have finally broken into the security systems surrounding the camera on Apple's MacBook. You've got it; any time your computer has been hooked up to the internet it's been transmitting your image to these evil people. What's worse? They've started leaking some of the most embarrassing footage. Pictured above is one of our writers who has been absolutely humiliated by this ordeal. After finally convincing his girlfriend to film a porno by saying, "Don't worry Ma' nobody will ever see it," his hairy ass is all over the internet. Just Google "Fred the Intern Stalks the Family Farm" for full access.

We know what you're thinking. "F**k Fred the Intern, what about me?" Well, your pooch is screwed, too (although notably less-so than Fred's dog and mother). You remember when you and your girlfriend did the long distance thing back after college? Yep. They've got you on tape. They've even got that embarrassing striptease you used to do for her. Yes sir they do. They've even got her diddling the underage neighbor boy because of that embarrassing little striptease you used to do.

We're in this together, y'all, and you can count on MannDubinBlog to cover the latest developments.

Becca B's Thoughts on the Intern

This is MannDubinBlog speaking: for the first time EVER we are allowing a guest writer on MannDubinBlog. You may have seen her before on "Why Somebody Should Give Me a Million Bucks," but this time we promise a better performance from Becca B.







From Becca B:

I'm sure by now you've all seen the picture of MannDubinBlog out with MannDubinIntern, so I have a few things to say about this "intern." He might be retarded. I don't use the term loosely having grown up in a diverse community, but I really think the intern might be mentally ill/disabled.

At first sight he was ugly. Really ugly. He looked like a Renaissance Festival actor who's primary activities include eating, rubbing grease on his face, and mating with the livestock. Seriously. But since I'm kind and understanding, I can get past first impressions.

Then, he spoke. I had thought things couldn't have been worse before, but now I longed for silence. Complete silence. Like in space. But no, the intern would not stop talking about Dungeons and Dragons, MannDubinBlog, and explaining the intricacies of the prosecution of every serial killer in the last 3 decades. Yea- I thought he was going to chop me up and put me in his freezer before the end of the night.

So I'm not saying don't read his blog, but I am saying if you see him on the street, run. Better yet, throw the nearest available trash at him because that's what this mysoginistic piece of shit deserves. Nobody likes him because he's a psycho and an asshole. Seriously.


Love,
Becca B.

Please Excuse the Intern

Aylo folks-

Meet our intern:

Just wanted to give you all a brief heads up that he finally has his own blog. We are writing this because we really must be the best bosses ever, and we wanted to let you know that. I mean we're giving him instant publicity!

The only requirements for the blog are that he is not to reveal his name and he is not allowed to promote anything that crosses MannDubinBlog's values. Pretty fair, right? We think so. Get to know the intern at http://manndubinintern.blogspot.com.

If he offends any one of you in the slightest we vow not to hesitate before we throw him back out on the street, or the backwoods of Tennessee in his case. Remember the natural order of things: MannDubinBlog, Readers, Beer, Fun, Cats, the Homeless, intern.

Yep, Dick Cheney IS the Devil

Earlier this week we were discussing whether Dick Cheney is simply an idiot or if he's the Devil. After rigorous debate we came to the conclusion that Dick Cheney is none other than the Devil incarnate. Better yet, in our extensive research we uncovered damning evidence to support our claim. Our evidence is a photograph that shows Cheney's true identity:

As you can see, Cheney displays several common characteristics of the Devil as well as a few lesser known traits. For instance, we all know that the Devil should have horns out of his head, and Cheney has these. What's lesser known is that the Devil actually has fangs similar to those of a vampire, and he has a heart as well. Granted, his heart is made of pure tar (see the black? yea, that's tar), but it is still there nonetheless.

Some of you might be wondering, "where did MannDubinBlog find such damning evidence?" The answer is simple. While we were eating lunch at Ann's Snack Bar in walked Dick Cheney. This photograph was taken in the middle of him eating his Ghetto Burger. That's pure fact. Take it to the bank. For more facts about Dick Cheney and his being wrong check this out. Until then, if you see this man on the street please feel free to throw stones, sticks, holy water, or feces at him.

Drinking Tips...Whynatte and Goody's.

Check out the new post at The Male Demographic. Get there by using the conveniently located link to the right of this post.

MannDubinBlog Gets a Smoothie...FAIL

Today your favorite writers were sitting poolside discussing possible places to find a delicious chilled beverage. First we thought about a Slush Puppy. "Yea, man. But the only place that sells them is that Chevron like three miles away." He was right. Then we thought, "Quiktrip serves delicious icy beverages," but that also was too far away. Finally we decided on Smoothie King, and that is where the adventure began.

Closed. And not just temporarily. Closed up like Lindsay Lohan's legs for d**k. "Shit," we all thought to ourselves (and some said aloud). We had all finally agreed that what we really wanted was a freaking Caribbean Way. While standing outside some nutjob came up with coupons for an alternative smoothie place. "Are you kidding, guy?" "No, I'm not. In fact, we're even better because we're all natural." F**k that. All natural = less sugar = taste like Lindsay Lohan. We took the coupons and agreed to NOT check out the au naturale smoothie. "After all," we told the nutjob, "this is the former residence of the smoothie KING, so I'm pretty sure you've got nothing on him, unless your place happens to be called Smoothie God, in which case I think you win." It wasn't Smoothie God. I can't even remember the name.

Stop 2: Our local McChevron. After leaving the King's former residence we decided to check out a nearby gas station because they would surely have a delicious and icy beverage. "If they don't have an icy beverage, I'll kick the attendant in the mouth," one of our writers shared.

Out of Order. And no sign, to boot. Needless to say, we were angry so we kicked the gas station attendant in his dirty mouth and walked into the attached McDonald's (hence the term McChevron). We'd heard about these iced drinks that McDonald's is promoting, and some of our writers are large fellows who can always go for a McDouble, so we decided to try one.

Stop 2.5: Mickey D's

Needless to say, we were disappointed. Just because you can make an icy coffee flavored beverage doesn't mean you should make an icy coffee flavored beverage.

So we were sitting there, eating our drinks and drinking our burgers when we thought of Harold and Kumar. WWHaKD? What Harold and Kumar would NOT do is settle for a McIced Coffee when they really want a Caribbean Way. But we're not Harold and Kumar and we weren't high (damn the interns!). So, absolutely and entirely dejected, we left the McDonalds to go cry and decide how to write about our ordeal, and here you are.

No Love Lost

Hard as it is to believe, not everyone loves us. I mean, most everyone loves us, but like anybody doing their own thing, we have a few haters.

This being America, everyone is entitled to their opinion. Even if that opinion includes hating on MannDubinBlog thus qualifying you as a terrorist.

This is certainly the case with one anonymous young gentlemen who is pretty determined to tarnish the hard earned reputation of MannDubinBlog.

Our new fan wrote us the following; " ...if I wanted to I could buy the company that you work for tomorrow. I KNOW THE FUTURE, I MAKE THE FUTURE. I deal with the most advanced and innovative commodities market on the planet, trading over $4 trillion daily. Im sure you have no clue what it is."

Just in case we had any doubt of this guys acumen, he qualified himself by letting us know that he "had a finance degree from the Ross School of Business at the University of Michigan." We've never heard of this "University of Michigan" he speaks of but good for him. Us simple Georgia boys had to settle for our simple Georgia educations.

He is right about one thing, we definitely do not have any idea what he's talking about, but we are eagerly waiting for him to buy the company that we work for. Real good deals right now.

Keep the love coming our way. In the meantime we love everyone, especially the haters.

We want you!

No recession here at MannDubinBlog. Quite the opposite, we're expanding and we're looking to take you with us!

We're looking for:

-Bloggers
-Writers
-Marketing Mavericks/Mavens
-Groupies

Do you want to be able to tell all your friends that your blog and/or ideas are now part of a massive new media conglomerate? We did, that's why we started blogging. Now you can too!

If you think you have what it takes, we're waiting to hear from you. Don't hold back, this is America, creativity is encouraged (and torture is accepted).

Email us at mann.dubin@gmail.com to get involved with our exciting company as we change the face of media forever.

Swine Flu. The new STD.

We don't know about all this swine flu nonsense. Seriously? This is how it ends? We have a worldwide economic crisis, mass genocide, and global terrorism. With all that now the powers that be are telling us that we're all going to die from a sexually transmitted disease that I'm pretty sure is contracted by having sexual intercourse with a pig.

My previous statement might sound controversial but dammit we're under attack! This is no time for us to worry about hurting feelings or being politically correct. S0 I beg of you, if you insist on slutting it up with bacon, in spite of the known dangers, don't turn around and hop in bed with the sorority girl who lives down the hall. Because most likely we too will be trying to hop in bed with the sorority girl down the hall and we don't want those of you who have been intimate with pigs spreading swine flu to our perfectly decent sorority girls.

In short, if you must go pig, please be considerate of those of us who like mating with our own kind and who don't like dying of swine flu.

Of course, if this all turns out to be how things end for humanity and swine flu turns out not to be a STD but rather a highly contagious airborne virus we will formally retract our statements.

Good luck to everyone through these trying times.

NEW POSTS!

New posts at Why I Love Atlanta, Why I Hate Atlanta, Million Bucks, and The Demographic. Check it. ADD SOME COMMENTS, PEOPLE! Or, as Diddy would say, LET'S GO!!!

MannDubinBlog is taking over!

It seems like just yesterday that MannDubinBlog was a fledgling blog start up (it really was yesterday). Look how far we've come.

We are proud to announce that MannDubinBlog has successfully completed a hostile takeover of the blog mogul known as "Spork Crusade." Spork Crusade is now a part of the MannDubinBlog family, whether they like it or not.

So please, enjoy the offerings of Spork Crusade and bask in the glory of knowing you all are now part of the future. The future that is MannDubinBlog.

Welcome!

Glad you came to check out MannDubin Blog! Our names are Michael and Henry, and we're two guys in Atlanta with some spare time (damn the recession!). We decided to start writing a blog about what we know. You'll notice there are several blogs listed, and that's because we know a lot about a lot of stuff. I mean a ton. We've got you covered if you have questions about everything from iPhone apps to the dreams of the 18-26 year old male demographic. Remember: this is a service for you! So check back often because we have a lot to say.