MannDubinBlog Gets a Smoothie...FAIL

Today your favorite writers were sitting poolside discussing possible places to find a delicious chilled beverage. First we thought about a Slush Puppy. "Yea, man. But the only place that sells them is that Chevron like three miles away." He was right. Then we thought, "Quiktrip serves delicious icy beverages," but that also was too far away. Finally we decided on Smoothie King, and that is where the adventure began.

Closed. And not just temporarily. Closed up like Lindsay Lohan's legs for d**k. "Shit," we all thought to ourselves (and some said aloud). We had all finally agreed that what we really wanted was a freaking Caribbean Way. While standing outside some nutjob came up with coupons for an alternative smoothie place. "Are you kidding, guy?" "No, I'm not. In fact, we're even better because we're all natural." F**k that. All natural = less sugar = taste like Lindsay Lohan. We took the coupons and agreed to NOT check out the au naturale smoothie. "After all," we told the nutjob, "this is the former residence of the smoothie KING, so I'm pretty sure you've got nothing on him, unless your place happens to be called Smoothie God, in which case I think you win." It wasn't Smoothie God. I can't even remember the name.

Stop 2: Our local McChevron. After leaving the King's former residence we decided to check out a nearby gas station because they would surely have a delicious and icy beverage. "If they don't have an icy beverage, I'll kick the attendant in the mouth," one of our writers shared.

Out of Order. And no sign, to boot. Needless to say, we were angry so we kicked the gas station attendant in his dirty mouth and walked into the attached McDonald's (hence the term McChevron). We'd heard about these iced drinks that McDonald's is promoting, and some of our writers are large fellows who can always go for a McDouble, so we decided to try one.

Stop 2.5: Mickey D's

Needless to say, we were disappointed. Just because you can make an icy coffee flavored beverage doesn't mean you should make an icy coffee flavored beverage.

So we were sitting there, eating our drinks and drinking our burgers when we thought of Harold and Kumar. WWHaKD? What Harold and Kumar would NOT do is settle for a McIced Coffee when they really want a Caribbean Way. But we're not Harold and Kumar and we weren't high (damn the interns!). So, absolutely and entirely dejected, we left the McDonalds to go cry and decide how to write about our ordeal, and here you are.