Alaskan Hit Man Crossing the Border! Evidence!

DO YOU SEE THIS? Click on the picture above. Now do you see, Clarice? This is irrefutable proof of several things.

• First, the intern is probably dead. We haven't exactly heard from him since right before we posted on our blog yesterday, so we're just assuming he's either scattered from Edmonton to Toronto, or he's had his body turned completely inside out. 50-50, take your pick.

• Second, the Alaskan Hit Man is crossing the border. And where is he crossing? None other than the state of Michigan. Know why that's important? Because our biggest hater claims to have graduated from the prestigious UNIVERSITY OF MICHIGAN. You remember him. He's the guy that "knows and makes the future" by trading "$4 trillion dollars worth of commodities a day." Coincidence? Did MannDubinBlog have their way with Sarah Palin last night? Well yea, we did, but NO, this isn't a coincidence.

• Third, this is a much bigger problem than we thought. If our enemies are teaming up with the Alaskan Hit Man we're definitely in trouble. As providers of truth and all that is good, we've made a lot of enemies along the way.

There's more. Since MannDubinBlog's recent acquisition of small companies in Boston, we've had some of our administrators stationed there. The rest of our team is still in Atlanta. We don't know where the Alaskan Hit Man will head next, but rest assured that we'll keep you, our billions of readers, posted about our exact whereabouts 24/7.

P.S. You think Homeland Security will catch him? I wouldn't even bet the intern's left nut on it.

Alaskan Hit Man Spotted in Canadia

Folks, we're in danger. Not you, our millions of readers, but us, MannDubinBlog.

We might not be here much longer. I know all of you have heard about the Alaskan Hit Man that's chasing us down after exposing Sarah Palin's underlying motives for her resignation, and now he's finally en route. After finding evidence online, we've just gotten word from our intern that he's been spotted by a reliable informant in Edmonton, Canadia.


Why is our intern in Canadia, you ask?

Simple: we want to make sure the intern finds the Alaskan Hit Man before the Alaskan Hit Man finds us. And by us, I mean the founders of MannDubinBlog and our other competent interns lurking in the shadows behind our work. In other words, the farther we are from the intern, the better chance we have of living to see another sunrise, another flower bloom, another tender kiss between a young couple, and, judging by what's going on outside my window, another act of fellatio in exchange for a drug of some variety.

The map clearly shows that the Alaskan Hit Man is making his way south through Canadia to come for us. We've used the latest in tracking devices to determine that it is in fact the Alaskan Hit Man. What are these devices, you ask? Top secret government type stuff, clown. Mind your own business.

Fingers crossed that the Alaskan Hit Man finds the intern first. Errr.

Strike that.

Reverse it.

It's a good thing that our going-away present to the intern was a chocolate cake with a GPS tracker in it. Rest assured he ate it right up, so we'll know the second the Alaskan Hit Man turns him into bear food. Sheeeeit that fat f**k will feed a family of bears all through the winter. They'll probably quit hibernating and just spend the winter eating. Wish us luck, it's all for you.

Sarah Palin is after us!

First, we expose the truth about Sarah Palin. Now, this guy is trying to kill us.

Ever see Conspiracy Theory?

You know, that movie where Mel Gibson is on to something shady and the government in turn is trying to kill him for it.

Well, now we're like Mel Gibson, minus the anti-semitic part. And Sarah Palin and her wacky (not to mention scary and bible beating) henchmen are the part of the government coming after us. Pretty standard stuff.

After our recent scathing report on the truth behind the Sarah Palin resignation (see below), we have begun to feel what I can only describe as "hunted." We at MannDubinBlog are confident that there is a an Alaskan Hit Man hot on our trail after we uncovered and exposed the truth about Sarah Palin and her nefarious ways.

Oh, you want evidence. I'll give you evidence. How about the fact that a recent visitor to MannDubinBlog hailed from none other than Wasilla, Alaska.

That's right, the same town of approximately 123 people in the middle of Alaska in which Palin was the mayor prior to her becoming governor. Every resident is either a member of her immediate family or a member of the family of the kid who knocked up her daughter.

Do we have reason to fear? You bet we do.

Sarah Palin: The STORY Behind the Resignation

As most of you know by now, Sarah Palin recently announced that she would resign as Governor of Alaska. Seeing as how it's Alaska and nobody gives a damn, we feel safe when we say MannDubinBlog has the facts behind this shocking story.

Beginning last week and continuing over the weekend, our team made an effort to contact Governor Palin for an interview. At first we were told she was “out of the office” and yesterday we were finally informed that Palin has been “hiking the Appalachian Trail.”

We weren’t born yesterday. Well, one of our interns was, but we pay him under the table for the inspiration he provides because our other interns are unpaid and useless. Child labor? Yea we use it (and believe me when I say it's the best business decision we've made). ANYWAY, back to the issue at hand. We’ve heard this story before. Remember the disgraced governor of South Carolina, Mark Sanford? Yea, he told our team the same thing before the story broke about his affair with his Argentine lover.

Well, folks, the AP stole our story last time, so we’re here to give you the facts first. Sarah Palin isn’t hiking the Appalachian Trail. No, she’s not hiking the Continental Divide Trail, either. She’s actually having an affair with a Bolivian man named Jorge Villasina.

Yep, this is the face of the man who spends his days making sweet, sweet love to our beloved Sarah Palin. After Gov. Sanford was caught in his scandal, Palin decided that she best get the fudge out' the scene before her story made national headlines. Sorry Sarah, but you're cover's busted. Know what else is busted? This guy you've been macking with. Sanford had much better taste.

In other news, MannDubinBlog is looking for an attorney to represent us in our future slander suit. Know a guy? Let us know. Seriously.

In other, other news, if you're Sarah Palin and thinking about suing us, please don't. We don't have any money for you to take. In fact, we're so broke we don't even have health insurance. Sarah- if you're pissed just tell Jorge to email us at Mann.Dubin@gmail.com. Kisses.