Alaskan Hit Man Crossing the Border! Evidence!

DO YOU SEE THIS? Click on the picture above. Now do you see, Clarice? This is irrefutable proof of several things.

• First, the intern is probably dead. We haven't exactly heard from him since right before we posted on our blog yesterday, so we're just assuming he's either scattered from Edmonton to Toronto, or he's had his body turned completely inside out. 50-50, take your pick.

• Second, the Alaskan Hit Man is crossing the border. And where is he crossing? None other than the state of Michigan. Know why that's important? Because our biggest hater claims to have graduated from the prestigious UNIVERSITY OF MICHIGAN. You remember him. He's the guy that "knows and makes the future" by trading "$4 trillion dollars worth of commodities a day." Coincidence? Did MannDubinBlog have their way with Sarah Palin last night? Well yea, we did, but NO, this isn't a coincidence.

• Third, this is a much bigger problem than we thought. If our enemies are teaming up with the Alaskan Hit Man we're definitely in trouble. As providers of truth and all that is good, we've made a lot of enemies along the way.

There's more. Since MannDubinBlog's recent acquisition of small companies in Boston, we've had some of our administrators stationed there. The rest of our team is still in Atlanta. We don't know where the Alaskan Hit Man will head next, but rest assured that we'll keep you, our billions of readers, posted about our exact whereabouts 24/7.

P.S. You think Homeland Security will catch him? I wouldn't even bet the intern's left nut on it.

Alaskan Hit Man Spotted in Canadia

Folks, we're in danger. Not you, our millions of readers, but us, MannDubinBlog.

We might not be here much longer. I know all of you have heard about the Alaskan Hit Man that's chasing us down after exposing Sarah Palin's underlying motives for her resignation, and now he's finally en route. After finding evidence online, we've just gotten word from our intern that he's been spotted by a reliable informant in Edmonton, Canadia.


Why is our intern in Canadia, you ask?

Simple: we want to make sure the intern finds the Alaskan Hit Man before the Alaskan Hit Man finds us. And by us, I mean the founders of MannDubinBlog and our other competent interns lurking in the shadows behind our work. In other words, the farther we are from the intern, the better chance we have of living to see another sunrise, another flower bloom, another tender kiss between a young couple, and, judging by what's going on outside my window, another act of fellatio in exchange for a drug of some variety.

The map clearly shows that the Alaskan Hit Man is making his way south through Canadia to come for us. We've used the latest in tracking devices to determine that it is in fact the Alaskan Hit Man. What are these devices, you ask? Top secret government type stuff, clown. Mind your own business.

Fingers crossed that the Alaskan Hit Man finds the intern first. Errr.

Strike that.

Reverse it.

It's a good thing that our going-away present to the intern was a chocolate cake with a GPS tracker in it. Rest assured he ate it right up, so we'll know the second the Alaskan Hit Man turns him into bear food. Sheeeeit that fat f**k will feed a family of bears all through the winter. They'll probably quit hibernating and just spend the winter eating. Wish us luck, it's all for you.